In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize