Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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