i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
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My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
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I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Do you remember whose house we're in?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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