Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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