You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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