NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
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we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
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A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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