And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
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If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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