my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
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i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
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I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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