dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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