I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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