I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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