i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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