I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize