I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Your cock deserves a montage
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Randomize