Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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