Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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