I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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