he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
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All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
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Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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