just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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