I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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