bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
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my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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