thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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