haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
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Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
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Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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