what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Life is so much better after having sex.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
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Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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