my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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