I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
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i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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