I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
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what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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