the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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