Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
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He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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