Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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