i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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