Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize