My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize