you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize