Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
It's Friday. Sex?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
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I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Pooping to opera.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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