And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
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I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
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You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize