Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
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Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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