you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
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