i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
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Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
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Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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