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Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
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