my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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