Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
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There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
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If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
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