we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize