dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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