If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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