lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He passed out mid-signature
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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