Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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