Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
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Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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