She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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