Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well most of my day revolves around power hour
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize